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1
["Pre-heat oven to 200 degrees and line a tray with either non stick tinfoil or baking paper. This WILL stick, don't be tempted to not use anything, you'll end up crying over losing the pastry bottom", "In a large frying pan put a generous pat (not particularly specific but I'll leave this one up to your conscience) of butter, salt, pepper and turn onto a medium heat to melt butter", "Once butter is melted place each of the portobello mushrooms face down in the pan, flip after a couple of minutes to that all surfaces are browned slightly. Don't over fry at this stage, this would be a disaster as it's going to spend 40 minutes in the oven soon", "Move pan off the heat once the portobello mushrooms are cooked, chop closed cup mushrooms, onion and garlic as finely as possible. Add more butter to pan and fry all of these together
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2
Notice a theme in this recipe? Dairy. This is NOT a dieting recipe. Abandon all hope ye who diet here", "Once mushrooms, onion and garlic are all browned add in around a tablespoon of oregano and then stir spinach in until wilted
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3
Always use more spinach that you think as it shrinks into absolutely nothing", "Put mushroom, spinach and onion mixture aside to cool. Light dust a surface with flour and lay out sheet of puff pastry
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4
Inevitably spill flour and cover the surface, yourself, the floor, ceiling, windows, neighbour's house in flour in the process", "Spoon three evenly distributed portions of spinach mixture onto the pastry with large gaps in between, place a slice of favoured cheese on top, lay mushroom flat side down over cheese and layer another slice of cheese. Repeat on all three spinach piles", "Lay second layer of pastry over all three piles and cut so three evenly sized parcels are formed. Fork the edges of each parcel and brush with egg. Pierce a hole in the top of each parcel to finish
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5
No egg wash = no golden brown = sad. Don't forget the egg wash", "Place parcels in the pre-heated oven for around 40 minutes until golden brown and enjoy!"]
