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1
Cook the black beans with two bay leaves, salt, and a few whole cloves of garlic, as per the instructions on the bag, and set them aside, along with half a cup of their cooking water.
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2
At a low heat, gently caramelize the onions. This always takes longer than expected-- 20min.
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3
When the onions are a rich caramel color, raise the heat to medium, and add the carrots, celery, and jalapenos.
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4
Once everything's softened, add the remaining garlic, and the serrano chilis, and chili powder. Gently cook for another thirty seconds to a minute.
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5
Dump in the beans, reserved cooking water, cumin, brown sugar, and as much beer as it takes to cover everything by a knuckle or two, then bring to a VERY low simmer.
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6
Let the excess liquid cook down, the keep feeding it beer, maintaining roughly the consistency you're looking for in a chili until done. 1-2-3hrs.
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7
While this everything is bubbling, brown the soyrizo, and add it to the pan. 3-4mins
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8
Juice all the limes into a bowl large enough to hold everything. It'll look like too much, because it is.
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9
Halve and pit the avocados, chucking the whole flesh into lime juice as you go, and making certain they're coated. This prevents browning.
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10
Strain out the lime juice into another bowl. Reserve.
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11
Add all other ingredients to the bowl, and gently mash until fairly chunky.
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12
Taste, and gently fold in lime and salt to taste.
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13
Lay down Clingwrap directly on the surface of the guacamole, to prevent browning, and refrigerate for twenty minutes or so.