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["heat a small pan, throw some olive oil in it, not too much", "sprinkle some lemon pepper in the oil and mix it around. sprinkle some salt in there too then let the pan heat a little", "throw in those garlic whole. watch em simmer and check the bottoms cause when they turn light brown you'll want to flip them and turn the heat down a tiny bit. i flip them with some coal tongs from a hookah set. when you flip em the first time add your mushrooms in there and if you want, add the small serano peppers you got from your sick hydro setup", "when the garlic looks dank and isn't charred to a crisp yet, pull 'em out and set them on a paper towel or some of those napkins you've been collecting from all the take out and delivery you've been wasting your money on. put a napkin on top of the garlic as well so you don't lose residual heat too fast, Oh and take those mushrooms out too while youre at it. you can throw out the seranos or add them to the burrito for a fire surprise. I like those.", "ok this is the best part of cooking for me, using what we already have so we don't create a bigger mess than we have to. crack an egg on the counter top (trust me use a counter top or other flat surface to crack eggs) and cook the egg in the already oiled up pan. sprinkle some more lemon pepper and some salt on top. you'll notice that i broke the yoke on my egg cause fuck it i don't care. flip that egg once and dont let the yoke dry out. you want that yoke to be golden but not runny when the burrito is all done. remember that just because you take something off the stove does not mean it has ceased to cook. eggs cook as long as theyre hot. so think about it.", "while that egg is slowly cooking on low, get some more ingredients and prepare to heat up a tortilla", "get some of that free government snap cheese and cut it up in to little pieces. dont use a grater cause who wants to clean a grater, and besides it's gonna ruin the sponge your room mate just bought", "hopefully you can take a little parsley off the bunch without making it look like any is missing, but if your room mate calls you out just tell him it was going bad so you threw those pieces out", "grab some of your room mate's veggies but DO NOT TAKE A LOT, just a little so he won't notice but even if he does notice, fuck it cause he ate a few of your raman packs so he owes you anyway right? im always stoked when i find cherry tomatoes because they're kinda sweet which is a good mix with savory after two loads from the binger. Plus cherry tomatoes are way easier to take without being noticed than one huge tomato. think about it...", "dont forget that egg is cooking, in fact it's probably done by now so go check on it", "heat up one side of the tortilla and burn it a little like the pic shows. flip it once and sprinkle that hard earned cheese on it", "now that you have a cheesy tortilla and all your ingredients, it's time to assemble them. put the egg down first, then the mucks and garlic (and serano if you want that surprise), then your cold veggies. if you have crema or sour cream or whatever you choose to call it, throw that on too. youre young so go crazy", "can you roll a tortilla? if not follow these steps: fold bottom end in so it covers a little of the ingredients. then roll it up. the bottom fold is key and can be customized to fit your drip preferences", "your oogle dog is probably looking at you with those adorable puppy dog eyes by now. go make him an egg.", "enjoy your 'reet with any one of those hot sauces you ""borrowed"" from your local taco joint.", "spend the money you saved by not eating out on a dub or something equally rewarding."]
