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1
Heat 4 cups water and milk (or half n half or heavy cream) over medium heat to a simmer.
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2
Stir in the grits using a wooden spoon; cook, stirring constantly, for 5 minutes.
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3
Reduce heat and cook, stirring (and scraping) frequently, to prevent the grits from sticking, 30 minutes (you probably will need to add additional water).
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4
Remove from heat, stir in butter, season with salt and pepper; cover to keep warm.
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5
Heat 3 tablespoons bacon drippings in a large skillet over medium heat.
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6
Add onions and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened and caramelized (golden brown), about 25 minutes; remove to a plate and set aside.
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7
Heat the remaining 3 tablespoons of bacon drippings over medium heat.
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8
Season shrimp with pepper and add to skillet; cook for one minute.
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9
Add ham and cook another minute; transfer to plate and set aside.
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10
Return onions to skillet, add Madeira and simmer about 20 minutes until reduced to less than 1/2 cup; watch carefully because once it starts to reduce it will evaporate very quickly.
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11
Add cream and nutmeg, if using, simmer until it reduces by about half again.
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12
Return shrimp and ham, add fresh herbs, season with pepper if needed.
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13
To serve, divide the grits among individual plates and spoon the shrimp and sauce over the top.