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1
Take the meat out of the fridge and slap it in a dish.
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2
Put on some rock and roll.
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3
Something nice and big and chunky, say Georgia Satellites, Skynyrd, AC/DC, Goddo, Mettalica, Sex Pistols along those lines.
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4
Throw the garlic, salt, pepper,and olive oil in a mini food processor and grind it into a paste.
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5
If its too dry, pour in a bit more olive oil.
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6
If its too wet, throw in more of the dry stuff.
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7
If youre old school, use a mortar and pestle.
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8
Then rub that shit all over the beef.
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9
Coat that bastard well and really rub it in.
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10
Then let it sit out for 20 minutes or so to reach room/parking lot temperature.
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11
Get your nice and hot.
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12
Either charcoal or gas will do.
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13
Slap the beef on the and sear on all sides.
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14
Then slide all the charcoal over to one side and put the beef on the opposite side and close the lid.
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15
If youre using gas, place the beef over the middle burner and turn it off.
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16
The left and right burners should be on high.
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17
Leave it there, turning occasionally for 45 minutes to an hour.
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18
Now, eye of round is a very lean cut of beef, so you need to take it off around medium, say 140 degrees internal temp.
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19
Then tent it in foil and let it sit for 15 min.
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20
or so .
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21
Slice that bastard as thin as you can.
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22
If you have a meat slicer, perfect.
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23
If not, make sure youve got a really sharp knife.
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24
And none of this stamped steel nonsense, either.
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25
I want a good forged steel blade, a full tang, and no whining!
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26
Try to catch as much of the juice as you can while youre slicing.
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27
Next, pick out a nice, crispy, garlicky outside slice and eat it.
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28
While your eyes roll back into your head in sublime ecstasy, say a quick prayer of thanks that the noble cow is walking this earth.
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29
Throw the sliced beef in a big metal bowl along with any juices, and add some sauce.
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30
I kinda like Stubbs, my wife likes Dianna, you use whatever the Hell you like.
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31
Mix it all up and slap it on buns.
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32
You want the ratio to be pretty beef-heavy, say twice as much beef as there is bun.
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33
Now, as for the buns, go with what you like.
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34
Personally, I like whole wheat, and dont give me any shit about yuppies and Whole Foods, you bastards.
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35
Your great grandparents ate whole wheat cause thats all there was.
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36
Its real food.
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37
Some effeminate, wigged, French aristocrat came up with the idea of taking out all the good stuff and bleaching the flour to make it white.
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38
Real men eat whole wheat, pussies eat bleached white bread.
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39
End of story.
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40
Oh, and if you want, slap some coleslaw on top of the beef.
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41
I dont have a recipe for it so youll have to look elsewhere.
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42
Or you could buy it, but its pretty tough to buy good coleslaw these days.
