Hors D'Asphalt

1. 1

   Saute venison, bunny and squirrels in rattlesnake grease. (Warning: Use only cast-iron frypan.

2. 2

   Teflon and other nonstick coatings may impart a flavor to the dish which may disrupt the subtleness of the various ingredients and their delicate bouquet.) Take pinto beans and remove bugs, sticks, lizards, etc., and add raw housecat and frog.

3. 3

   Simmer bean-cat-frog mixture for several hours over low heat (do not boil; add water as necessary).

4. 4

   After simmering beans, add jalapenos.

5. 5

   (Here, improvisation is allowed. Feel free to add extra tidbits for flavoring: e.g., corncobs, clamshells, fish scales, flies, shoe laces, etc.

6. 6

   Your guests will be pleasantly amused.)

7. 7

   Serve bean mixture and meat delectables in separate dishes.

8. 8

   (Important to protect the distinct and unique characters of each.)

9. 9

   Serve only on finest china (silver service also recommended).

10. 10

    Garnish with chicory or yarrow for effect.

11. 11

    A hearty lambrusco (or MD 20/20) is a good choice.

* Per serving · 4 servings · Values may vary.