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["Preheat your oven to 350u00b0 F", "Get that KitchenAid out. Or a hand mixer with a big ol' bowl. Throw the butter and sugar in that bowl and mix the hell out of it until it's nice and smooth. It usually takes between 3-5 minutes of mixing, so I don't recommend doing it by hand unless you have Popeye arms. The final product should look pretty cool and not what you expected butter and sugar to look like.", "In another bowl, put together the flour, spices, baking soda and salt. Go ahead and give it a stir and mix it up a bit. If you wanna get fancy, sift that shit.", "Remember that awesome butter/sugar concoction? Throw the egg in there and mix that in there, too. Make sure it's ""fully incorporated,"" which essentially means make sure you can't see that nasty yolk anymore.", "Once that yolk business is mixed in, slowly start putting about half the flour mixture into the bowl of wetness. When I say slowly, I mean slowly. You don't wanna make a mess, but you also don't want to break your mixer. Also, there's some sort of scientific reason behind adding the dry ingredients slowly. Something about hydration. Thirsty flour. I typically take a 1 cup measuring cup and add the dry ingredients that way.", "After you add the first half of the dry jank, throw in that molasses. Be patient, though, because it's... slow as molasses.", "Once Grandpa Molasses moseys on in there, finish up with the flour mixture until there ain't no mo'.", "Turn off the mixture and scrape down the edges. You can mix everything up one more time with a spoon or spatula or whatever. Just make sure everything is incorporated.", "Throw some parchment paper or aluminum foil on a baking sheet. You don't need to spray or grease that shit. Just trust me. Grab yourself a spoon and start prepping the dough. Roll it between your palms and make it all pretty, then throw it on the baking sheet. Make sure there's space between the dough balls or else you're gonna wind up with a blob of cookie, and ain't nobody want that.", "Bake it for about 17 minutes. Or 15. Or 20. Until they're cooked to your liking.", "When they're done, slide 'em onto a cooling rack and wait patiently until they cool down and then shove them in your mouth."]
